In a funk...

I honestly don't know what I want to say. Lately it just feels like well I am getting more of the bad then the good. Little things that just pick, pick, pick at you until it drives you over the edge. I don't like the way I have been feeling. Angry at everyone, ecspecially Ben and the kids. Which of course, is not even remotely fair. I have been getting on to them lately because it seems like no one is showing any gratitude around here. Last night, we went to BJ's ( a wholesale store) for some things Ben needed. The kids begged to get Icee's. I finally gave in. Ben went and grabbed them while I finished paying for groceries. I walked over to the kids and an unnamed child, started crying because that wasn't the kind they wanted. I said, fine then you don't need it at all. The child, apologized and in the end did in fact get it but it bugged me. Really bugged me. Then I started thinking about how are they going to feel grateful when I am walking around complaining about everything? " Whine, Whine poor me. Nothing is going my way." So it isn't just the kids who need to be grateful. I do too. My life could be worse. A lot worse. Instead I have...

a sweet husband who loves me. And has pretty much put up with my bad mood. Who understands that sometimes I just need to be by myself.

4 beautiful amazing kids. Who work hard in school. Who behave for their teachers. Who love me. Who forgive me. Who have such awesome personalities. Who are just the coolest kids ever.

friends who like me for me. I don't have to try to impress anybody. They just accept me for who I am.

I have transportation. I can hop in my van and go anywhere I want, while rocking out to favorite tunes. With kids who often sing along.

I have a home. It is usually cluttered, messy and more but I have a roof over my head. I am warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have a kitchen with food. I have a laundry room. I don't have to haul clothes to a laundromat.

I have a hobby that I love.

I also have someone that I can rely on. Anytime day or night. I think the answer to my probelms is to get on my knees. Every night and morning until this thing has lifted.

I don't mean to be pessimistic. Or make people worry. I just...needed to get it out of me. Count my blessings. Acknowledge how I feel....

good for a laugh...

Today I was cleaning out a rubbermaid, full of things that my Mom had collected. There were several stories that I had written when I was around Harmony's age. She has enjoyed reading them! But this is the one that I thought was the funniest. So I will share. There is no date or anything so I have no idea when it was written...

My Family( obviously this was not written in any particular order!)

My brother Steve is sometimes nice and sometimes mean. He likes to watch tv and listen to his stereo. He has eyes as blue as a bright blue sky and hair as bright as the sun.

My brother Tommy teases me all the time and I hate it! He sometimes can be nice. Sometimes I said! He has brown hair, not any special color, but he has beautiful blue eyes!

If you ever come to my house, don't go in my sister Darla's room. It is so messy, you might break your leg! Darla has brown curly hair and pretty brown eyes.

Susan is always nice. She is pretty. She has brown frisky hair and greenish brown eyes.

My Mom is a greaaaat cook. She makes good food! She is really pretty. She alwyas makes you smile. She has curly brown hair and pretty brown eyes.

My Dad is nice. He's got blue blue eyes and light brown hair. He has good taste in cars! ( I am assuming this is when he had the zee?) He takes you on trips and does things for you.

Brookdale Farms

This week has been a whirlwind. Tomorrow is Friday? Is that a joke? What happened to this week? Oh yeah I know....field trips, parties, appts, pick ups and drop offs, working out and just trying to keep my head above water! I sort of got a glimpse of what it would be like to be a working Mom. Dropping kids off at babysitters and then being gone all day. It has been an eye opener and I don't think I am made to be a working woman! Ivan has been a little too clingy the past 2 days! My friend, Candy, watched Ivan yesterday for the fire station and then again today while I was on a field trip with Ethan.

We went to Brookdale Farms which is out in Va Beach. This morning the weather was pretty nice but that changed quickly! The sky got dark, the wind began to blow and the temps dipped. It was cold! However, the mood inside the bus was a pretty happy one! This was Ethan's first time on a school bus. He told me that from now on he would like to be a bus rider but I told him no. Not gonna happen! We got out to the farm and had lunch. Then the kids were put in 3 groups and went off in various places. We went on a hay ride first which led us to the pumpkin patch. Ethan picked out a great lookin' pumpkin and then we headed back. We turned whipping cream into butter, learned about dairy cows and then visited the animals. In this section they only had a donkey, turkeys and a pony. Ethan liked looking at the turkeys from afar. The donkey however was another story. When it was his turn to pet it...well he kind of freaked. Got scared and started bawling. After that he was done. Luckily that was the last stop. Back to the bus. Another successful field trip on the record books!

Ladder 10

Connor, this year is in the same class that Ethan was last year. Make sense? So he knows and remembers all of the different things that Ethan got to do.I think this was the one he was looking forward to the most. Although I know he really wants to go to Pizza Hut, which is one they do when they read enough books. Anyway, the firestation field trip is such a big deal for the boys. Connor had such a good time. His little blue eyes were just filled with awe. He took in every minute of it. And relished it. He promptly exclaimed " Mom, I am going to be a fireman when I grow up!" His favorite part was watching the ladder go all the way up. "Mommy, it is taller than Daddy and even taller than buildings!" My friend Candy, was watching Ivan, so once again I was just able to enjoy being with Connor. It was nice. Connor's final coment about the fire station was, " Mommy that was sooo cool!" I called Ben later and told him that I think he may have lost his standing. Connor always said he would be a builder, or "Naby" guy like Daddy. Ben's comment? " How am I supposed to compete with a fire truck?" All in all he had a great time! And the Mom's didn't seem to mind a little Fireman eye candy either! LOL!:)

Let's try this again...

The Halloween fun did not end with the trunk or treat. Ecspecially not for Connor! There were 3 Moms in charge of the Halloween party at his preschool. He had a great time making a necklace, decorating a cookie, making a goody bag, eating pizza for lunch and more. Ben took Ivan for me and it was so nice to not have to deal with him! :) I love being able to devote my time and attention on one child! Makes life so much easier!

Later that night, we headed out trick or treating. My plan was to go for an hour. That was not what ended up happening though! We left at 5:30 and finally got home at 8. We stopped at McD's and Ethan fell asleep. He just couldn't make it any longer. They had a great time, although Connor did fall down some stairs. He had insisted on wearing his "a bit too big Cowboy boots" and fell. He was a trooper though. In the end the kids made quite the haul! Even scoring a full size candybar! Their complaint of the night? " My bucket is too heavy!"

ugh

I have been trying to post pictures to my blog all day. It is not working and it is annoying. I am thinking about changing to a different provider but...what happens to all the 169 blogs I have already written? Seems sad...I will keep you posted if I do indeed move. I would rather just have this one work. I will try the pictures again later and then go from there. :(

memories erased

I am not a technological person. I am scared of electronics. They make me break out in a sweat, and chew my fingernails. Maybe not that bad but seriously...technology is not my thing. Ask my brother in law, Eric. If you asked him, he would probably say I am still in the dark ages. No palm pilot, I use a planner. I have only been digital for less than a year. It took me a while to download IM. I could go on....no I pod ( although I am crossing my fingers for one to be under the Christmas tree!). Uploading & downloading anything causes a panic attack. So you can imagine my fear when I switched over from regular film to digital. Now, while I love my digital, I can honestly say that there are drawbacks. My subjects will move before I get my picture and well...I am left with a different picture than I actually took. So while I enjoy my digital, I use it with much trepidation. I do not erase pictures off of my camera until I have the actual copy in my hand. In case anyone is wondering, I use Shutterfly and I love it. So because of this policy, I have a lot of pictures on my camera. I just have this huge fear of my computer crashing. I am sure you are wondering where all of this rambling is leading too...Today I was going to take a picture of Ivan. I got out my camera and batteries were dead. So I changed them and tried to take a picture when "card error" came up on the little screen. In a split second all pictures were erased from the memory card. Gone was Halloween, Connor driving his hot wheel car up and down the sidewalk, Ethana giving Ivan kisses and more. All my memories erased. I am lucky because I actually had downloaded them all on Sat. But it still scared me. Just like that. My memories erased. Makes me grateful that I scrapbook. To get those stories down. I also learned a lesson. Memories are precious things.

morning person

I used to be a morning person. I would get up early, exercise, shower and clean house or get on the computer and get things done before Ben and the kids were up. I would get the majority of things done by lunch so that I could take a nap. Once the kids started school, that nap was gone but I still got up early. While Ben was gone, we were able to IM each other every day. If we had not had that, I am not sure if I would have made it through that deployment!!! Anyway, the only time that both of us could be on was from 9:30-10:30 at night. So we would chat and then...I couldn't go to sleep. I would be wide awake. I would stay up and straighten the house and watch tv. Well...I am having a hard time getting back! It feels next to impossible for me to get up in the morning. I don't like that. I don't want the kids to be up for a half an hour before I am even up. Not that they care, they just watch tv. My point of all this? Last night I decided to change my ways. Train myself to get up early. Just force myself out of bed when the alarm went off. But I didn't. I hit snooze a few times. Finally at 6:30 I got up. Every one still asleep. Checking email, doing that sort of thing when I look at my computer monitor. Uhm why is it saying 5:30? Yeah....daylight savings time. I had done what I wanted to do without even realizing that I had done it. Maybe I can get back to my old ways. I am off to do some things before the kiddo's wake up. Happy Sunday!

Trunk or Treat

Whew! Last night was crazy. Since it was raining here, the trunk or treat was moved inside. This made for a little more craziness. But it was all good. Kids everywhere, running around, playing games. A total mad house really. My friend asked if I could run one of the games so I did. The kids ran around playing games and then got in line for the costume parade. After that, they just had the adults sit around the gym and the kids went around. 3 buckets full of candy. And now they want to go again on Tuesday? Stop the madness! Just joking. Anyway, Halloween still isn't over for us. I am one of the Mom's in charge of Connor's Halloween party on Tuesday. Plus I have to decide what we are going to do that night. The kids got to bed late last night and I told all of them that I would appreciate them sleeping in today. At 5:37 this morning, Ethan came in and asked me to help him tie his shorts. He was up and dressed before 6. He is going to take a nap at noon. And because Susan asked I am posting pictures of my costume. Just for you Susan! :)

The one with my friend Deborah and I...we are both holding our little bees. These 2 are quite the couple. Her name is Eliza and Ivan has kissed her before. She waves at him. They have sat by each other in the grocery carts...yep they even had matching Halloween costumes. It was unplanned too....

avoiding the paparazzi....

I attempted to get some cute pictures of my little Bumblebee. However, Ivan has decided that when he sees the camera come out it is time to:

a) try to look at the picture on the screen
b)point at it
c) turn to the side
d) run away

Sometimes he does all of them. So my "try to get a darling picture of Ivan in his costume failed.

Tonight is the Trunk or Treat for our ward. With a 90% chance of rain. Fun. Still going as a Miss USA contestant. The kids are counting down the hours. Connor is a tad confused over trunk or treat vs. trick or treat, but no worries. Harmony said that the kids at her school were wondering why she got to go tonight instead of on Tues. Some jealousy going on that she gets to go twice. Well I think that is all. I am going to try to sneak in a little nap before tonight. Wish me luck!

word association

I got a magazine today from Michaels. I am lovin' it. It is a way to jump start your scrapbooking with quizzes. Designed to get journaling going. I love it. So I am going to randomly answer some of the quizzes. Fun stuff. So this one is called word association. 10 words and what my first thoughts are. If you would like to do this, I would love to read 'em! And since Beth needs to update her blog anyway.... (hint, hint) Ok here goes:

1) ocean-our last trip to the ocean this summer. When we went for family night and all the kids were walking up and down the beaches collecting rocks and shells. It was evening time and so it wasn't too hot or humid. Just having fun enjoying the evening.

2) sneakers-Ethan just recieved those 2 bags of clothes, that I mentioned in an earlier post. Well along with that came 5 pairs of shoes. So our collection of shoes in the shoe basket is huge. We seriously need to start getting rid of some. I am not sure how many Ethan even owns at this point!


3) picnic-hmmm,haven't had one for awhile. The kids used to love to sit at our old coffee table and watch a movie while they ate dinner. They used to call it picnic dinners. This was a "while Daddy was deployed" thing.

4)playground-Connor's class is the last one out on the playground at preschool. So it is always so cute to see them playing if you come early. And depending on the weather, his little ears are cold or he is sweating. One of his favorite parts of the day!

5) trampoline- going to the Fitzimmons house and using their trampoline. I remember Brad Levitt bouncing us up really high

6) dessert- yummmmm! I could use one! Favorites: german choc. cake, eclairs, blondie brownies

7)camera- of all of my material possessions this is my favorite. One time we took Ethan to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday and while playing skee ball I asked Ben if he would put my camera in his pocket. He set it down somewhere and well...someone took it. I nearly started bawling. All of Ethan's birthday pictures were on it. i have never asked Ben to hold my camera again, although he did get me a new one.

8) telephone- I remember my Mom would be talking to someone and we would want to talk to her about something and it was always "urgent". She used to tell us to wait until she got off but of course we kept bugging her. Now I am on the other end of that and realize how annoying it is.

9) flat tire-damsel in distress. I always drove around hoping I wouldn't get a flat tire while Ben was gone because I wasn't sure what I would do. One of the requirements for drivers ed was to change a flat tire, and Mr. Freeman said even the girls had to do it. But Ned Kindler signed it for us anyway and I never learned how. Now I am your basic D.I.D, if it happens. fyi: on the cartoon Hercules they talk about D.I.D's which is where I got that phrase. damsel in distress. that's me.

10) school bell- every morning the bells at preschool rings. It is the sign that my free time has begun.

My rambling is over. Feel freet to use this word association if bored! :)

talents

I am the teacher for the 5 yr old class in Primary. This class is such a great bunch of kids. ( Including one little cutie named Ethan...) But seriously they are the best class in primary. Hands down. Well today there lesson was about talents. I was trying to teach them that just because we can't do something like someone else doesn't mean that we don't have ANY talents. Just not that one. One of the boys, Sam, his mom is the Primary chorister. I said "for example, Sam's Mom is such a good singer, but I can't sing very well at all." And one little boy Jonah, raised his hand and said, " but you are very good at talking to primary kids." Awww! Melted my heart and made my day. His Mom told me that he prays for me every night. So sweet! :)

Wonder Woman

My parents call me Wonder Woman. Now, if I am actually deserving of this name, has yet to be seen BUT I know a real live Wonder Woman. She has earned the title in every way. This picture is of my friend Janice, who just one week ago, gave birth to her 2nd child, a little girl named Julia Lynn. (No the Julia is not for me and the Lynn is not for Harm. Just a coincidence!) Anyway, while giving birth doesn't actually get you a super hero status, although maybe it should, that is not the only reason. Julia's older sister, is only 16 months old. Something like that anyway. Not very old. So, Janice will totally have her hands full. Still not enough? Janice's husband just deployed. Yep, at the first of October he left. He will not be home for 8 months. She will be raising those 2 little girls without the emotional help of her husband, Jeremiah. Now, she has tons of friends here. She will get lots of help, I know BUT 10 good friends still don't equal one Jeremiah. We are just not going to quite cut it. She will be grateful for our help I am sure, but it will still never be the same. And you know what the best thing about Janice is? She is so positive!!!!! During her pregnancy, she knew what loomed ahead. She knew he was leaving. And did she whine and mope around? No, she was positive. She remained truly optimistic. I am sure that she had her moments, who wouldn't, but for the other 99% of the time, she remained happy and positive.

Military wives are called the homefront hero's. Trust me, I know a lot of them. And I am proud to know them. They are some of the toughest people you will ever meet. I have never had to go through what Janice did. I have been pregnant, I have had little children, but never given birth during a deployment. Janice is not the first and she will not be the last. But she dealt with the situation with style and grace. I am glad to call her a friend!

neeeed sleep

I am sick. I have a sore throat. I do not have a runny nose and just a tiny cough. But my head is throbbing and I am TIRED. So wish I didn't have to babysit today. I want to get a blanket, lay on the couch,put in a good flick and then fall asleep watching it. Too much going on for that to happen. Babysitting today. Parents night out tomorrow ( yeah! date night again!) Sat. is a chili cook off for Ben's command. Need oj & dayquil. Why can't Mr. Connor keep his sick germs to himself? Ugh!

just a thought...

While Ben was in Afghanistan, I would have done anything to have him home for the "big stuff". Ivan's 1st b-day, the boys birthdays, Valentines Day, Easter, Mothers Day etc. etc. However the things that I really missed were the little things. Hearing the kids rush him at the back door when he comes home from work, calling him during the day, just the little things. The little nothings. Last night, after the kids were in bed we sat and watched tv. Little moments of nothingness. Us trying to regroup after a long day. And I realized how grateful I am to have him back for those little things and how lucky I am to be happily married to the man I love. :)

Ruby the Pirate Beauty by Harmony

When I went to pick the kids up from school it was raining. And Ethan was crying. Harmony wouldn't hold his back pack for him, because she didn't want to get a piece of paper wet, that she was holding. It was a story that she had written. I asked her if I could put it on my blog and she said yes. I am sure she would appreciate some comments on her story. She did not get any help whatsoever. BTW- if you don't have her email it is evergurl6@yahoo.com Here is the story....

Once upon a time a band of pirates didn't know what to do in tell a girl named Ruby The Pirate Beauty & they made her there captain. She felt very humble. At first a pirate named Taquan stepped up and told her what was wrong. What was wrong was the other pirates had a captain...which was a girl. So they thought if they had a girl captain they would be twice as powerful. " But no girl has been like her." said Ruby. " Oh yes you can" said all the other pirates. Taquan said, "War starts tomorrow." Then Ruby remembered who that other girl was...HER FRIEND! She could not bare the truth, she just couldn't tell the other pirates but she had too. Because she was the captain she told the pirates & they LAUGHED! A pirate named Naven said "That's the craziest idea I have ever heard." Tomorrow came very fast. So fast that Ruby could hardly go to sleep. Next morning Ruby got her armor from Antonio. Antonio was an army boy. The others decided to help & Ruby was glad that they would help her. THEY WON! Ruby was sad that she had to fight her friend. Then Raven came over to tell her something and to show how bad she had felt when it happened to her. Ruby felt better.

THE END

Ben says...

Ben told me the other day that I need to update my blog. I figure since he thinks it needs to be updated, and he lives with mem, well others might want to know what is going on in our lives. And it all boils down to...we're busy. Extremely busy. I remember during the summer when I longed for the more scheduled days of the school year. And while, yes, we are on a schedule, life is busy and crazy. There is school, homework, school pictures, carpooling, babysitting, primary activities, play dates, and more. But here is a little run down on the fam...

Ben hurt his back a while ago. I want to say it was 3 weeks but it could have been longer. He finally went to the Dr. on Friday and they said that his vertabrae ( I am not a very good speller, sorry) was all messed up. They give him a shot and than a couple of perscriptions. He said that the shot really helped but the medications so far hadn't really worked. He has been really busy lately with projects here and there. It is also college football season so you can imagine how he spends the majority of his Saturdays!

Harmony was the lucky recipient of a loft bed. A friend of mine gave it to us. Her daughter had outgrown it and she was going to junk it and I told her I would take it. Harmony LOVES it. As soon as it was set up she immediatley started decorating and getting her Barbie stuff together. Harm had a big project due in Science this week. There was a Primary pizza party on Thursday and so I told her she had to have it done by then. She got it done and all turned in. Then on Sat. as I was trying to find the surface on my desk, I found one of the pages. I couldn't find her teachers email so we took the chance and brought it in today. She had a sub, and the projects were still in the bin. So she let us put the missing page in. Lucky!

Ethan is totally loving kindergarten. He always lets me know who got in the frowny box or who was doing scribble scrabble. He loves his teacher and always comes home with piles of pictures that he has drawn. He is still a little Lego Star Wars fiend and I know Santa has plans to bring him the 2nd one for Christmas. He had a part in our wards Primary program yesterday and Harmony taught him his part. He had it all memorized and did a great job. I didn't hear him sing but I am hoping that he did.

Connor is really enjoying school too. There is another Connor in his class so they are called Connor M. and Connor T. This is the other Connor's first year at the preschool. The two boys have really hit it off. Today while we were driving home Connor said, " guess what Mommy? Me and Connor M.and Pepper are all best friends." I said, " who is Pepper?" " Oh that is Connor M.'s dog". Oh well of course. Connor loves to do his homework. The first night that he had it he was very concerned with how hard it was going to be. Now he loves to do it and will make sure he gets it done really fast. He also had a part in the program but was pretty quiet. He sat by all the girls because one of the boys was messing with him. We won't say who that child was...

Ivan is a typical almost 2 year old. He is into everything. He definatley follows the "toddler creed". If it's yours it's mine.If I had it, it's mine. If it is open it has to be closed. If it is closed it has to be opened. If it is full than it has to be emptied. If it is emptied it has to be filled. You get the picture. It took a lot longer than it should of to get the dishes done last night, thanks to a certain someone. If the dishwasher door was open, he had to come nad close it. Yeah typical. Connor had 2 Buzz Light year shirts that were his absolute favorites. However they are too small for him now. He had a hard time giving them up but Ivan managed to wear one today!

Me? Well I am boring. I just try to keep up with everything. I need to figure out a Christmas card design and get those started. I used to just buy them but I have to admit, I enjoy making them now. It is a little more stress at Christmas but...I have also decided to take a hiatus from Weight Watchers. I have totally lost my mojo for any sort of dieting program. I am still exercising every day but I just need a break. Maybe I will get it back soon but for now I just want a little freedom.

Anyway there you go. Life as we know it...

Ivan update

Ben painted this little table for Harmony, with some of the extra red paint from Connor's dresser. Ivan likes to get in and play peek-a-boo!

Ivan is now saying Mommy. Not "mama" or something easier. But full out Mommy. On Sat. I could hear him while I was in the shower saying it over and over. However, the kid doesn't say Daddy. Nope. He will say DaDa when Ben is leaving. Or when he sees the picture of him that is on the fridge. Other than that though...not so much. Saturday afternoon Ben was eating a corndog and Ivan came up to him mouth wide open for a bite. But mean old Daddy, said he doesn't give food to kids who won't call him by name. Poor Ivan. So Ben is a little jealous. I know how he feels though because Harmony's first word was Daddy. Here I was home all day with her while he was off at school and all I would hear was Daddy. So I figure it is only fair. Ivan's vocab has taken off and he is making himself heard a lot better. He can now say, "stop it" which is more like " bop it", bad boy, aw mannnn ( not a joke, ethan says this all the time and I think that is where Ivan picked it up) he also will head to the stairs with a sippy cup and say "nigh, nigh". This morning I asked him where his shoe was and he went and got it out of the basket. Growing up too fast...

one of those days...

Do you ever have one of those days when basically you are too tired to be Mom anymore? You are tired of picking up the same messes. You are tired of putting kids on time outs. Tired of making sure everyone gets a bath, their clothes out and their whole night time routine done so your morning has a little more sanity. Tired of changing diapers. Tired of getting sippy cups. Tired of closing the screen door every time they go out. Tired of making meals. And picking up after meals. Tired of fighting over time on YOUR computer. Or your tv. Tired of grocery shopping with cranky kids. Tired of fighting with almost 2 year old boys who don't want to get in their car seats. Tired of laundry. Tired of complaining over dinner. Tired of homework. Tired of signing paper after paper. Just plain tired....

B is for...

BOOTS! Cowboy boots to be exact. I have a friend at church, who gave me some clothes that her son had grown out of. Along with a couple bags of shoes. In one of them was a pair of cowboy boots. These were too small for Ethan but fit Connor pretty well. A little big but not too bad. I was excited because Connor is going to be Woody for Halloween, and I had wanted to find him some boots. Since we are not from oh say..Wyoming or something...I didn't have any. I asked her if she happened to have a cowboy hat and she does! Sweet. Connor is going to look so cute. He loves these boots though and has been wearing them all over the house. It was hard for him, because the clothes that we were given, are all Ethan's size, and in the bag were Power Ranger and Scooby Doo pj's, some Scooby Doo shirts, a Superman shirt,a nd other things that the boys thought were soooo cool. However, it is all too big for Connor. But the boots are his. And he is just about the cutest little cowboy that I have ever seen! However the Wranglers are headed straight to Goodwill. It's not like WE are from Wyoming or something! :)