Baptism

(the two tired, emotional Moms, when did our babies grow up?)

(family picture, do you just love Ivan's face?)

(Ethan with the Branch Pres. and yes, Ethan is almost the same height!)

(Big smiles...Harmony was giving me bunny ears)

(Ethan and Kaetlyn watching the font fill up)

Here in Guam ( or at least in our branch) kids are baptized the first Saturday of the month. Ethan's birthday fell on a Tuesday and so had to wait until June. Knowing this, I kind of put it off. In my mind I knew the day, but really didn't do any prep. Later I was talking to a friend of mine (in the commissary of course!) and realized that our kids would be having theirs together.

Fast forward until 2 weeks ago. I was released as 1st counselor and so how did I spend my Sunday? Chit chatting during class. I know I am awful. But we were trying to hammer out all the details for the baptism...amongst other topics!

Because of how much I had going on that week, Tammy offered to make the food and print off a program. I was grateful to her for being willing to do everything, but it also came with a huge old helping of Mommy guilt!

As the week progressed and life got crazier by the minute, my gratitude level kept going up. I felt a little more relaxed knowing I wouldn't have any last minute food to prepare or anything else.

The day came and the kids were up at 5:15. They ran around and were going nuts until everyone else in the house was awake. Since this was also the day of the big move, I told them that, "since you want to be together so much, you can do it while packing boxes" I put them to work. I yelled, threw tantrums, complained, whined etc. etc.

I looked at Ethan helping pack and felt...AWFUL. My priorities on his big day were so out of whack it wasn't even funny. I started crying and tried to get myself in the right frame of mind. Still a struggle but I felt better.

The baptism was beautiful and although I was stressed out, I was able to feel the spirit. I *think* I was able to show & tell Ethan how much it meant to me.

Tammy did a great job with the food and the program and then...she sent us home with all the leftovers so we could have something to munch on during the day. She asked me if I wanted her to take Ethan's baptismal clothes home and wash them and I said no. I need to do something for Ethan's baptism. Ben was standing behind me and said, "...uhm when are you going to be back down here to drop them off?" I was like I don't know but I will take care of it. But now it was Tammy and her husband giving me a hard time about accepting service. She made me cry when she said, " you serve tirelessly in this branch. Let us serve you for once."

It was a long day but I was overwhelmed with emotion. Gratitude, humility, and more. I don't have the gene that makes it easy to accept help. So this was not easy for me. I still have Mommy guilt but I think that after buying Ethan a "Congratulations on your baptism" cake from Cold Stone, I am on his good side again! Although I don't think he noticed that Mom didn't do anything...

Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam...or does he?

I really haven't talked about Ivan and his autism for a long time. Not that it is no longer relevant, it's just that we are...well...kind of in the swing of it all. We have been used to dealing with it. Life is far from perfect with him, but he has made strides. We continue to work with him. We try things, we fail at things, and life moves on. However, tomorrow marks a new chapter in his life.

I have been dreading this day for a long time. I really have. About a month ago we started talking to Ivan about going into Sunbeams and they day that he would no longer be in the nursery. He would just say, "I go nursery." The whole idea of another class didn't phase him.

Now that it is tomorrow I am so worried about him. We can't get him to sit still for anything. How is he going to sit during a whole sharing time? What is he going to do when he can't play with toys? Or have bubbles? Am I going to have to sit with him the whole time? Primary is kind of my break from him.

I am his teacher for tomorrow. We are re-organizing our primary and so I am subbing for tomorrow. I read the lesson and...there is no way that he is going to comprehend what it is about. The lesson says to show a picture of the moon, and ask who created it? Ivan doesn't know.

I am so apprehensive. Sometimes, and please don't hate me for saying this but, I just wish he was a normal kid. With normal problems. I am just an awful Mom. I don't want everyone to look at me, like why can't she just get him under control. Almost everyone in our Branch knows, but I don't want to use that as a crutch. OK

I am so rambling.

a farewell...

At 97 years old, it really wasn't unexpected. But at the same time, recieving an email from my Mom, telling me of the death of President Hinkley, made me so sad. Harmony read it over my shoulder, and said," That makes me sad. I really liked his smile." Me too Harm, me too.

Gordon B Hinkley was not famous to everyone. He was not on the covers of magazines at the grocery store. You didn't see his name splashed all over the news.

Instead, he helped in getting more temples built. He served the members of the church in countless ways. He spoke of the love he had for his wife, for his family and us as church memebers. He seemed to have endless energy.

I am happy that he will be reunited with his wife. And I know that he has been welcomed home and has returned with honor. He will be missed.