The Waiting Place

You know the book "Oh the Places You'll Go"? It just happens to be one of Ivan's favorites.

Lately I have been feeling like I am in a waiting place.

We haven't left Guam, although life as we know it here is wrapping up fast! I filled in my calender for the next 3 weeks and it is filled with lasts. Last Cub scouts, last Girl Scouts, last Achievement Days, last beach trips, last days of school, going away parties and dinners...On and on. So we are just kind of "waiting" for this time to end.

But we are also waiting for our new life to start. One at "home" and one in CA. So we are just waiting for our itinerary. Waiting to pack our luggage.
Waiting to fly out.

I have been feeling a bit...well melancholy about it all. I am starting to feel very sad at the thought of leaving what has become our second family. But I am looking forward to seeing biological family. Such a mix of emotions.

3 weeks left in the "waiting place"

perspective

I had planned to write a post about the boys first baseball game. How exciting it was for them to be out in their uniforms. We topped it off with a night of babysitting. I was annoyed with all the fighting that my kids were doing. And then there was a knock on our door.

My friend stood their bawling. A young man from our church, was out at a youth activity. He hit his head and drowned. He was 16. He comes from one of the sweetest families that you could ever, ever meet. The news came as a crushing blow. Ben was gone at the time, and when he came back, he knew right away that I had been crying, and I told him why.

Later, Ben was on the computer. A friend of ours, had posted a link to a newspaper article. A fellow CEC officer, has been killed in Afghanistan. Ben said it is the first time that we have lost someone for a very long time.

I feel such a loss. And all I can tell you is that I hugged my kids a lot harder last night. I feel guilty for bringing a baby in this world, when there's were just taken away. I feel for both families. Hug your babies a little closer today. Try to be more patient and let the little things slide. We never know what day will be our last with them.

Answered prayers

I don't really talk to much about my religion/faith on here. I guess I just find that crazy things my kids do to be more interesting! :) But I am going to share something with you. Now I realize that not all of you who read this are Mormon. So you can feel free to skip this post....

When I found out I was pregnant, I was very happy& excited. But also racked with guilt. At the time, Ivan had hardly been in school and we were still struggling with how to help him. He had a lot of struggles at the time. I felt guilty because I kept wondering how could I give to another child, when my other 4 are not getting all that they need? Then of course, bring on the morning sickness and I really wasn't good to anyone! :)

So while I was feeling physically & emotionally..."spent" I still had a lot of things on my plate. Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, church, babysitting, not to mention that it was the holidays! ( Apparently I forgot to send my Mom a family picture in her Christmas card...at least she got one I guess!)I felt a huge burden.

For a while now I have been talking about clearing my schedule and how busy we are. But I honestly didn't know what to do about it. Maybe because "I" was trying to figure it out. I want to be the best Mom & wife that I can be, but I knew that I was failing miserably. I prayed. And I prayed. I was emotional, tired, frustrated etc.

I am so grateful that even though I don't have all the answers, I can pray to someone who does! Today I recieved a call from Ivan's teacher. He has made such huge strides, that he will now only be recieving two days of services. His speech therapy has been completely stopped because they feel that he doesn't have a problem with language at all. He is making such progress. He has also been declared "not severe enough" to need summer school. He is now only in school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Leaving me 3 days during the week to get all those things done that I have been slacking on. That I have needed help on...that I struggled with.

I have had a lot of experiences with the Lord answering my prayers. However this time it just means so much more. I was wondering why I got pregnant if I couldn't handle it. Now I know that when we follow the Lord and do what he asks, we will be blessed. He will make sure that we are getting what we need.