my rambling thoughts

So I am not sure this is where I want to post this. Sometimes, no offense loved ones, you just "don't want to hear it". You have your excuses and you don't want anybody else to bug you about it. LOL But once again, I have to remind myself that this is MY blog. MY place to write down MY thoughts. Whether you agree or not.

Now with that opening you all think I am going off the deep end right? Not quite...

Once again it is about my "weighty issue"

I KNOW that I need to take care of myself.
I KNOW that I need to be a good example to my family.
I KNOW that if I don't take care of myself, I will not be able to take care of my fam
I KNOW that I am at risk for like a zillion illnesses & health problems if I don't
I KNOW that I am not happy with the way that I look

For one month, I made very small (is giving up caffiene cold turkey small? Hmmm) changes. In one month I lost 4 lbs and 8 inches. Go me right?

Well this month, I think we may have sat down for a family meal twice. Seriously. The house has/is a disaster area. I am tired constantly (no caffeine = naps). I am grouchy. My grocery budget went through the roof. I am crazed. Life is...not necessarily better.

Right now, I am at a point when my kids still need me. My husband needs me. I want/need to be there for them 100%. I want my home to be warm and inviting. I want home cooked meals sitting on the table when Ben comes home from work. Am I old fashioned? Probably. But I am honestly good with that.

I am already thinking ahead to the fact that I do not want to look awful when I go to Ben's Christmas party or to our ball later in March.

I feel frustrated. I don't want to give up on myself BUT I don't want to do it to my family either.

Deep thoughts at 8:43 in the morning...