Wednesday, October 07, 2009

my rambling thoughts

So I am not sure this is where I want to post this. Sometimes, no offense loved ones, you just "don't want to hear it". You have your excuses and you don't want anybody else to bug you about it. LOL But once again, I have to remind myself that this is MY blog. MY place to write down MY thoughts. Whether you agree or not.

Now with that opening you all think I am going off the deep end right? Not quite...

Once again it is about my "weighty issue"

I KNOW that I need to take care of myself.
I KNOW that I need to be a good example to my family.
I KNOW that if I don't take care of myself, I will not be able to take care of my fam
I KNOW that I am at risk for like a zillion illnesses & health problems if I don't
I KNOW that I am not happy with the way that I look

For one month, I made very small (is giving up caffiene cold turkey small? Hmmm) changes. In one month I lost 4 lbs and 8 inches. Go me right?

Well this month, I think we may have sat down for a family meal twice. Seriously. The house has/is a disaster area. I am tired constantly (no caffeine = naps). I am grouchy. My grocery budget went through the roof. I am crazed. Life is...not necessarily better.

Right now, I am at a point when my kids still need me. My husband needs me. I want/need to be there for them 100%. I want my home to be warm and inviting. I want home cooked meals sitting on the table when Ben comes home from work. Am I old fashioned? Probably. But I am honestly good with that.

I am already thinking ahead to the fact that I do not want to look awful when I go to Ben's Christmas party or to our ball later in March.

I feel frustrated. I don't want to give up on myself BUT I don't want to do it to my family either.

Deep thoughts at 8:43 in the morning...

6 comments:

Avis La Fin said...

Hi Sweetie,
I have to confess that I had to chuckle a little at your blog. I have so many, many journal entries from my years as an overburdened mother with young children. Give yourself a break!! You're okay. Here are a few facts:
1. Your home is impossible to clean. It's too small for seven people to do the living that they need to do!! It will never be completely clean until your kids are big enough to truly help you. Why don't you look into having a housekeeper come in once a week to clean for you? It would be well worth the money spent.
2. Getting off caffeine cold turkey is a big deal, and I hope you can stay off because that's what's contributing to some of your problems--depression,etc.
3. Your family loves you and accepts you as you are. Just work on one thing at a time!! Caffeine this month; something else next.
4. Hang in there!!

Susan said...

Well, I think Mom said everything I was wanted to say. Give yourself a break. You're doing so much right now, especially with taking care of a little baby, that it's no wonder you're tired. Some things are going to fall by the wayside. That's all there is to it. Do what you can and let that be enough ... even small changes make big differences.

The Anglesey Family said...

I love when you vent...It makes me feel so much more human because I go through the same things.

Yearsley Family said...

You are doing great, Marie! Ditto to what everyone else said! You are an amazing mom--I am always trying to be better because of you! Hang in there--one thing at a time!

heidigoseek said...

you've done it before, you can do it again. i remember when you lived here you were very successful with weight watchers. having a baby can be a huge set-back, i'm sure. celebrate your successes, you'll feel better about yourself and your perspective on your house, etc... will be brighter. keep up the good work!

castlemom13 said...

Marie,

I haven't been keeping up on reading blogs lately because I've been so busy but I wanted to send you a quick hug. My life right now is one of 4 kids in the house (ages 13 to 2), 2 kids at their dad's home with all the problems that entails, and 3 stepkids at their mother's home with those assorted problems, as well as going to school. I'm like you in that I'm a bit old fashioned in wanting my family and home to come first in my life. What you didn't mention were the added responsibilities that being a member of the church brings and the distance you are from your family. You are busy, you've got a house full of little ones, and you have the right to be tired but don't give up on yourself because if you don't put the oxygen mask on yourself first then you can't help anyone else. I've been there, am there, and am having to learn that the few minutes (usually about 30 to 40) that I take for myself out of the day is worth it, not only to myself but to my family as well. Taking it slow and easy on the weight loss isn't a bad thing, it means that you are making the life style changes that will stick with you instead of going on a "diet" to make the changes.

I don't know if you keep up with flylady but her system really helps me when I can stick to it (definately a problem for me). The other resource I found is Jonathen Roche (no excuses workout). His encouragement is based on doing just a little bit for your health at time. Both of them you can find on Blogtalk radioor at flylady.net. Send me an email at juliraegc@homenetnw.net if you want to talk, I love to talk to people that are dealing with young families because then I don't feel so much like I'm the only one out there.

Julirae