change

I have been having a hard time keeping up with my blogs.

I have been having a hard time keeping up with laundry.

I have been having a hard time keeping up with the dishes.

I have been very, very tired.

I have been making changes in my life. I know that once I am used to it, it will be a GOOD thing. I haven't quite made it there but I will.
I am giving up caffiene. Yep. I have made decisions regarding "my weighty issues" post. The first thing I decided to do is give it up. I have now gone 3 full days without any. I know it's not much, but it's a start.

There are other things that I am doing about my weight. But in a move that is completely unlike me, I am not going to share. The reason why? I am just not quite ready too.

So if you notice a lack of blogging, I am probably just taking a nap!

A weighty issue

Today is my "Guam birthday". Although I am not technically 31 yet...there is nothing like a birthday to make you stop and take notice of your life.

Last year as I entered my 30's I told myself this was it. It was my time to get healthy. Once and for all. I wanted to look in the mirror and liked what I saw. I wanted to run and play with the kids. I wanted Ben to think, "boy I am so lucky to be married to such a hottie", I wanted to be a good example to Harmony. A little less than 2 months later...pregnant.

I gained 15 lbs during my pregnancy. Although I seriously struggled with the gestational diabetes, my doctors were impressed that I had kept my weight gain so low. I was impressed because I wasn't doing anything to help it. Seriously.

On the 4th of July, I was dialated to a 3. I was tired, cranky, contracting constantly. But I wanted to have fun with the kids at the fireworks. I spent the night sitting in a chair. My back hurt. My legs were tired. I was tired. Ben would have to help me get out of the camp chair. Yes part of this was just being pregnant. But part of me kept thinking, " I hate this. I don't want to not be able to keep up with my kids."

At the end of every one of my pregnancies I feel huge. And it's funny because as soon as I have that baby, I feel super skinny!! Lol

Today I have been feeling:
1)hungry
2)tired
3)lazy
4)unproductive
5)grumpy with Ivan

My diet since Mason has been born is a lot of chocolate and diet coke. Diet of champions right? I spend so much time in the rocking chair that I feel lazy.

Although I don't feel healthy, all in all, I am very content with my life. I am happy with where we are. I just don't like looking in the mirror.

I am not sure what to do.

My roadblocks are:
my sweet tooth
putting myself last
Mason is very fussy at dinner and I often find myself not eating dinner until 10 pm, breakfast (if at all) at 11 and lunch around 2 or 3
I love cooking and baking but don't find making healthy stuff as fun
I have a grocery budget
I have lots of other people to cook for
I don't want to be hungry
My strengths:
I like to exercise..when I find the time
I am a morning person..so I like to get it done first thing
I have support from my family
I have a husband who loves me
I have kids who love me

So questions...
Do I follow a low fat diet and not worry about calories?
Do I count calories?
How much exercise do I do?
Can I drink Crystal Light instead of water?Does that count?
Should I follow a plan like weight watchers?
Should I do a South Beach diet and watch my carbs?
How do I balance healthy eating with what I feed my family?
How do I do it so we all eat one meal, not the kids eating one and me something else?
How do I get rid of my sweet tooth?

Questions, comments and help would be appreciated. I know a lot of my family and friends are very fit and healthy. Help a girl out, I want to be among your ranks!

Then again, should I just screw it all and wait until I am 41?