Saturday, January 03, 2009
Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam...or does he?
I really haven't talked about Ivan and his autism for a long time. Not that it is no longer relevant, it's just that we are...well...kind of in the swing of it all. We have been used to dealing with it. Life is far from perfect with him, but he has made strides. We continue to work with him. We try things, we fail at things, and life moves on. However, tomorrow marks a new chapter in his life.
I have been dreading this day for a long time. I really have. About a month ago we started talking to Ivan about going into Sunbeams and they day that he would no longer be in the nursery. He would just say, "I go nursery." The whole idea of another class didn't phase him.
Now that it is tomorrow I am so worried about him. We can't get him to sit still for anything. How is he going to sit during a whole sharing time? What is he going to do when he can't play with toys? Or have bubbles? Am I going to have to sit with him the whole time? Primary is kind of my break from him.
I am his teacher for tomorrow. We are re-organizing our primary and so I am subbing for tomorrow. I read the lesson and...there is no way that he is going to comprehend what it is about. The lesson says to show a picture of the moon, and ask who created it? Ivan doesn't know.
I am so apprehensive. Sometimes, and please don't hate me for saying this but, I just wish he was a normal kid. With normal problems. I am just an awful Mom. I don't want everyone to look at me, like why can't she just get him under control. Almost everyone in our Branch knows, but I don't want to use that as a crutch. OK
I am so rambling.