Thursday, January 22, 2009

mommy guilt

(watching a magic trick with friend Alex)
(big buddies)
(Listening to his Den mother Miss Nika)
(checking out a magic trick with his friend Mason)
********UPDATE****************************

The throw up is still coming. He is currently sobbing because he is unable to go. :(


When I was pregnant with Harmony, people would tell me all about the good things of being a Mom. Lots of love, hugs, fun moments etc. They also told me about the bad, lots of diaper changes, spit up,breaking up fights with siblings etc. But what no one ever really told me about was...Mommy Guilt. And I suffer my fair share as I am sure most of you do. Let me go back just a little...

Connor and Ethan both wanted to start scouts this year. We did this through the base. Connor had a den leader, Ethan did not. Because of major Mommy Guilt, I said that I would be Ethan's leader. Well, the only way that I could possibly do it, was to have the boys have scouts on the same night. Which basically means, Connor's den leader is his surrogate mother at all Tiger den meetings. Now let me just say here that I couldn't have picked a better surrogate mother. She adores Connor and spoils him ROTTEN.

However, Connor was starting to feel upset that I had not been to any of his meetings.Major Mommy Guilt. So the other night, I finally had the opportunity to go. Just me and Connor. He talked my ear off as we rode to the beach. I loved it. We got to spend some fun quality time together.(All the pics were taken that night) That night, he was picked as the assistant for the month of February. So I am in the process of moving things around so I can be there. Guilt was starting to reside. Until...

In October (?) there was an announcement that all the dens would be going on a camping trip this weekend. Our cub master's daughter, is one of Harmony's really good friends. So they made plans to share a tent. The boys have been dreaming about this day. New tents have been bought, new camp chairs, all the food, batteries for flash lights, a babysitter for Ivan. All was going well until midnight last night....

"Mommy, I threw up all over my bed." I took Connor downstairs got him cleaned up and settled on the couch. I couldn't clean his stuff up because Ethan (amazingly) was still asleep. He cuddled with me until about 2 when we he finally nodded off. Around 3, another round. Got him cleaned up, and finally he crashed. So around 4 I go get in my bed and lie awake trying to think of what I am going to do. Do I let him go camping tonight? Or do I make him miss it? He told Ben, " I promise to get better for camping." So now I get the guilt. If I let him go, and he gets sick, than I feel guilty because I should of made him stay home. If I make him stay home, I feel guilty because he misses out on a trip that he really wanted to go on.The scouts have a rule that boys are only allowed to stay with family, no friends sharing tents. So if I don't take Connor, Harmony and Ethan don't go either. If I don't go, I have to find someone to take over for me as den leader for the wolves. Guilt, guilt and more guilt. It's not fair. Why can't someone else make these decisions?! Why does it always fall to the Mom? I'll let you know how it turns out...

3 comments:

heidigoseek said...

ugh...that's so frustrating!!! i know how you feel. you just want to do something fun with your kids. all you can think of to say is "why??" i don't have the answer for you. i'm a very unhelpful commenter:(

The Anglesey Family said...

you're such a great mom!

Marie said...

I am not Tiff that's the problem!

And Heidi, I honestly don't think there is an answer! :( I wish there was!