Sunday, February 05, 2006

Hard Day

I knew it was going to happen. I knew it. I just wasn't prepared when it did. Ivan turned a year old yesterday and Ben missed it. We are actually celebrating his birthday on the 6th, and so we had a huge day yesterday. There was just so much going on. By the end of the day I was just exaughsted. From Harmonys first game cheerleading, to a birthday party at an extra crazy Chuck E Cheese, to a major shopping trip to Costco and everything else I was totally spent. I went to bed before 10 and slept soundly! This morning, I got the kids ready for church, had my lesson prepared etc. However, when we got there, the kids were monsters. For the life of me I couldn't get them to be quiet. Harmony and Ethan are usually very well behaved and just sit and color. Not today though. I was taking Connor out, coming back, brining Ivan back it was just ...blah! Then Ivan started screaming. I left the chapel and just took him to an empty classroom and cried. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I waited until I was composed and went back into check on the 3 big kids. There was my friend sitting with the three of them. I turned and walked out to the car and just cried some more. I was so grateful that someone was willing to help me. It was just so sweet of her. When sacrament was over, I just couldn't stop crying. So she took Ivan from me. Well then I felt dumb for crying at church, but whenever one of my friends would ask me what was the matter, the flood gates would just burst again. I just cried and cried. Everyone was so nice and I realized just how good of friends I have. Everyone was so sweet and concerned and the other "Navy widows" just nodded their heads in agreement. I just felt so loved. While I am still crying at the drop of a hat today, I know that I have many shoulders to cry on. I miss Ben. I haven't talked to him for a while and it is really hard.

On a lighter note, I joined the YMCA and we have been going out there almost every day. I go and exercise and the kids go in to the Interactive Playzone or the kids watch. Well the other day we bought all of the stuff for Connor's Star Wars birthday party and Connor just drives me crazy with it. So I told him today that if he doesn't leave it alone, I am going to keep it and use it on my birthday. He said, " do you have a birthday?" I said, "yes, do you think it should be Star Wars?" He said, " no you need to have an excercise party". I am sure everyone would appreciate that! :)

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