my baby

Since Feb. 4, 2005, I have had an almost constant companion. Yes I try to find babysitters whenever possible. I try not to take him places where I think he will be a stinker. Or drive me nuts. Whichever comes first. But today, today was too much.

I knew I was going to have a major day ahead of me. So I called to have him come to drop-in for today. However, I wasn't sure when I was going to be done. I dropped him off at 8. However, they have a policy about pick up times. Nap time is from 12-2, so they don't like it when you pick kids up during that time. Too disruptive. So...you have to wait until nap time is over.

I excercised. I went to the commissary. I brought Ben his lunch. I took a shower, without worrying about what my youngest was doing. I ate lunch. I made the dreaded trip to the dmv. I went to K-Mart. I went to the exchange. I didn't get to see Ivan until 2. I can't believe that I spent 6 hours away from him. Too long. I missed him.

I honestly missed him. He even slept there. I missed his" Hi Mommy!" after he woke up from his nap. I missed seeing him sit in his chair using the Batman placemat. However, I did not miss him during errands.

It was just too much. The provider, was letting me know that tomorrow is show and tell if he is going to come. I said no. He will be home with me tomorrow.

I feel like I am going through an "identity crisis". I have always had some little one ( or two) to take care of.At home. With me. I was their whole life. And now, they come home from school, do homework and are off on playdates or the park. And, I am not needed anymore. Even my baby. He is growing up. He doesn't even need me as much.

I am sure part of this, has something to do with "what time of the month" it is...but still. It makes me sad. They grow up way too fast. I am not sure if I am ready for it. All I do know is that 6 hours was waaaay too long.