I honestly don't know what I want to say. Lately it just feels like well I am getting more of the bad then the good. Little things that just pick, pick, pick at you until it drives you over the edge. I don't like the way I have been feeling. Angry at everyone, ecspecially Ben and the kids. Which of course, is not even remotely fair. I have been getting on to them lately because it seems like no one is showing any gratitude around here. Last night, we went to BJ's ( a wholesale store) for some things Ben needed. The kids begged to get Icee's. I finally gave in. Ben went and grabbed them while I finished paying for groceries. I walked over to the kids and an unnamed child, started crying because that wasn't the kind they wanted. I said, fine then you don't need it at all. The child, apologized and in the end did in fact get it but it bugged me. Really bugged me. Then I started thinking about how are they going to feel grateful when I am walking around complaining about everything? " Whine, Whine poor me. Nothing is going my way." So it isn't just the kids who need to be grateful. I do too. My life could be worse. A lot worse. Instead I have...
a sweet husband who loves me. And has pretty much put up with my bad mood. Who understands that sometimes I just need to be by myself.
4 beautiful amazing kids. Who work hard in school. Who behave for their teachers. Who love me. Who forgive me. Who have such awesome personalities. Who are just the coolest kids ever.
friends who like me for me. I don't have to try to impress anybody. They just accept me for who I am.
I have transportation. I can hop in my van and go anywhere I want, while rocking out to favorite tunes. With kids who often sing along.
I have a home. It is usually cluttered, messy and more but I have a roof over my head. I am warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have a kitchen with food. I have a laundry room. I don't have to haul clothes to a laundromat.
I have a hobby that I love.
I also have someone that I can rely on. Anytime day or night. I think the answer to my probelms is to get on my knees. Every night and morning until this thing has lifted.
I don't mean to be pessimistic. Or make people worry. I just...needed to get it out of me. Count my blessings. Acknowledge how I feel....
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